i got a new xanga ppl itz brok3n_n0t_shatt3r3d

yo yo ppl,

OK I KNO I KNO I KNO!!! i have not updated in a zillion years!! aight well the only thing exciting that happened on friday when i went 2 the pool w/ katie. dat was tres tres fun. we saw tyler spindel there!! o, and, TOUISSANT me n katie saw ur dad there but where were u??? tiz all good tho. just come next time!!! mwahaha.

saturday: omg best day ever!! i went 2 la zoo avec KEVY!!!!!! dat was macho mucho fun. but the bad part was we couldnt really do anything cuz it was a public place (GAH!!), it was uberly hot, and i was on my feet ALOT. but towards the end we got ahalf n hout 2 ourselves. he told me about stuff that happened between him n bethany. i didnt really kno what 2 say becuz i cant really relate 2 it. but then hes like "if i could do it over again i would." now i can relate 2 that. i was just like "i kno how it feels 2 *water works start* want 2 go bak in time." heh, then after that all these ppl kept staring @ us. good times.

sunday: meh.

yesterday: i went 2 the pool again w/ katie. TOUSSSAINT, again ur dad was there but no u!! maybe next time then lol. and i met JOJO!!!!! omg i am in love w/ that kid!!! JK!!!! but really, he iz adorable. and i went 2 tkd n saw david. all i got from him was a smile and a peace sign. w/e.

and today i went 2 connections and it was tres tres boring. well dat iz all. leave da !

Pinky

Quote of the Day: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

yo yo ppl,

last nite was hell and stephi just came over. shes so awesum. one of the bestest peeps ill ever kno. gah. i stole this thing from rachel (sry rachel!). it will make me feel better if u fill it out. 2 kno my bestest peepz still care about moi lol.

What Would You Do If..
1. I died from natural causes:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?:
What Do You Think Of My..
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Laugh:
13. Family:
Would You..
14. Be my friend?:
15. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
16. Hold my hand?:
17. Take a bullet for me?:
18. Keep in touch?:
19. Try and solve my problems?:
20. Love me?:
21. Date me?:
Have You Ever..
22. Lied to make me feel better?:
23. Wanted to kiss me?:
24. Wanted to kill me?:
25. Broke my heart?:
26. Kept something important from me?:
27. Thought I was unbearably annoying?:
Random Stuff..
28. What reminds you of me?..
29. If you could give me anything what would it be?..
30. How well do you know me?..
31. When's the last time you saw me?..
32. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?

yo yo ppl,

first of all, lemme apologize bout yesterdays entry. i was in one of my lil depressed modes. but me n kev iz all good now. well, anywho, i went 2 kevy's house yesterday. twas tres tres fun. but be4 that i went 2 the dentist. yay. but then it was off 2 kev's palace!!!!! i got there n his madre answered the door. she seems aight. then kevy came up in all his beautifulness. i bed farewell 2 mi madre and we went downstairs. his basement iz small but very very cute!!!! he showed me sum of his tkd vids on his comp, and then rawr-ed a lil bit. mmm dat was fun. haha omfg!!!! so kevs mom called him up and i guessed she asked him what we were doing. kev came bak down n im like "what did u say?" n hes like "i told her we were just making out." n im like "u did?" n hes like "im not gonna lie!" then we made out n yeah. twas fun. ha, n then we went 2 the park n left kevs mom waiting 4 us  4 like half n hour. the park was really nice there. things happened there that i think made our relationship stronger. dont worry guyz, not physically, but emotionally. then we went bak 2 his palace. we didnt do much after that cuz my mom was gonna be there soon.

yesterday was a great day. i love kev. i really do. like i had a dream last nite about him and he died. i woke up n i was shaking n sweating all over. then i thought about me n kev. i really do love him. he iz the yin to my yang. u kno the little circle of the opposite color in the yin-yang symbol? well, i thought that circle was filled for a while. but until there was kev, that circle was empty and i didnt even kno it.

Pinky

Quote of the Day: The purpose of life is to live a life with purpose.

Dear God,

Okay, where to start. I am sorry for what I did to Kevin. I really am. Why do I have to lash out like that? It is probably because deep down I am not that strong. I cry when I am upset and never do anything about my tears. I just cry and cry and hope it gets better. Ugh. I hate myself now. I hurt the man I love by my foolishness and with that, I may have even lost his love. It's just that, he never told me. So I just thought it was surprising when he told me. I don't care about his sexual preferences. It was just SO surprising to me. I always think, "Oh, this'll never happen to me." But, as always, I am wrong. I always am. If I think of something that I want to happen, it always ends up the opposite. Does that make any sense? Of course it does. You're God and You know what I'm trying to say even thought sometimes I don't.

I guess what I'm trying to get out is that I can be a horrible person. I am nothing special, nothing important, and I am just plain "blah." I'm not even good at Tae Kwon Do. Which is what I live for. It's all I have. I put my all into it. But in the end, I fail at it. Gosh! I really hate myself now. Though for some reason I am not crying. Well, I am inside. My heart is breaking inside, for fear that the only person- no, wait, I just started to cry; now the keyboard is blurry- I have ever truly loved might be taken away from me. All because of my own foolishness. I shouldn't have lashed out. I should've said something like, "It's okay that you're __, I accept that." I thought for a while I was a respectful person. I guess I'm not. I'm just a failure that can't handle her own tears.

Well, God, all I'm asking is for Kevin to forgive me. In your precious name, Amen.